Reality and 2013

Welcome to Reality,

 

It is a new year, with new hopes and expectations. Those little resolutions that sounded so wonderful while toasting with champagne are now little things nagging you’re brain as you catch up on sleep from an exciting night. As many times as I say “this is going to happen”, deep down i know that it most likely won’t. My resolutions to work out and to eat a certain way never do, but as I mentioned in my previous post, there are things that I can make sure happen ( and already are). It’s time to give back to myself, beginning with enriching my mind in a world of literature and encouraging thought. I have a whole slew of books and things I want to read (Including this month’s Cosmo.. .). I don’t want to just read romance novels with dashing, strong, sexy men  in them and enticing stories that lead to a happily ever after… I want to read those books that everyone says you should read, but deep down you know you won’t get to it. For example: “The Awakening” by Kate Chopin has been on my kindle for almost a year now, and I still have not picked it up. “Wuthering Heights” by Emily Bronte has also made it’s way onto my kindle, but alas, has not been touched. It is the award winning novels that make it onto the best sellers list that I long to be reading and challenging myself with. Although, I still love a good romance novel… even if it is the cheesy Harlequin Romance books. So after I pondered these new goals for myself, I spent NYE watching my recent ex of three years flirting with other girls and was wallowing in my own self pity for awhile, but today I have turned a new leaf. We finally gave each other our stuff back at this gorgeous snow covered little park with deer back in the small trail I found while waiting for him to show up. I turned my music up a little bit, and listened to Natalie Weiss’ rendition of “quiet” from the musical Thirteen Stories Down. The subtle increase in emotion in Natalie’s voice combined with the soft falling of the snow seemed so magical for such a heartbreaking event in my life.  I cried as I walked away, without saying goodbye and went back into the simple routine of hating myself and what my life turned into. As I went into Biggby coffee a few hours after leaving the park, I met up with a friend who soon put things into a different perspective for me. Yes, breaking up with someone who took over your life for three years is difficult, but the future holds so many wonderful things for me. I have a fresh start ahead with transferring to a new school and trying new things. My friends have not left me because I am no longer in a relationship, they love me just the same. I suppose the question I need to ask myself is what do I want out of life? My previous NYE goals just contained simple things that don’t necessarily make myself feel better. So, today as I sit here writing for you all, I am beginning to think of all the things I want to become this next year. I think that becoming a strong, independent woman who can provide for herself and doesn’t need a man to make her happy. So today I turn a new leaf. I am truly going to move on. It’s time. There is no more time to be living in the past and wallowing in my despair. With this new year I ring in not necessarily a new “me”, I ring in a new point of view, a new beginning, and a new sense of self and love for myself. On that note, I leave you all with good tidings and wishes for this wonderful year. Happy New Year!

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