Out of Sorts

“Till this moment, I never knew myself”.

As I read this quote that Jane Austen writes in my favorite book Pride and Prejudice, I begin to realize, at the ripe age of 18 (almost 19), I really don’t know myself. As January comes to a close,  I have been honestly thinking about what I envision in my future and who I want to be. Is that different from who I am? Am I the kind of person who is up until 2 am eating Oreos and blogging because she is too upset with herself inside to really understand the consequence of what she has let life become? Wow. Reality Check. Deep Breaths. Water. Hydration is a good thing. Right? I come up with new goals for myself all the time. The only problem is… do I make goals that truly fit what I need at the current moment or am I making things up as I go along to pacify myself.  So as I make my goals for February (the shortest month of the year), I hope they have more meaning than the goals from last month… Well… here I go..

 

  1. to spend an entire day without my cellphone ( might be impossible.. I am quite attached to my phone)
  2. have a job
  3. blog as often as I can
  4. Learn to not look for my next relationship.. remind myself I am indeed just newly single and need to learn about myself
  5. soul searching (I’ll blog about this later)
  6. exercise more (I started to last month and totally didn’t keep up with it as much as I wanted to)
  7. stop telling myself I am not good enough! because I am !
  8. healthier eating… also known as ” not eating oreos at 2 in the morning” syndrome…
  9. Learn to love myself

Some of these may seem cheesy, yes. But I need to learn to love myself, and be confident in who I am. I am an amazing person and have so much potential. I hope to learn that my mother isn’t just telling me this because she is well… my mother.. And on that note… I think I’ll eat another oreo. It’s not February yet. right?

I’ve sunken back into the funk that I was in before, upon learning that my ex really did move on very quickly and has this new girl he is going after. If you have never lost a love, you probably don’t know the feelings I have been experiencing. In my heart, I still love him completely. I’ve tried everything to “fall out of love”, but as I am learning… it doesn’t always work like that. Any advice? Comments? I’d love to hear from you!

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