This is becoming a habit. Laying in bed late at night blogging to all of you on my phone. I have not had an epiphany today or some profound words of wisdom to share except for this: don’t procrastinate. I have and ultimately I am suffering for it. I should have read all my bio 120 lectures on time and then maybe I wouldn’t be as stressed as I am right now. This could be in part due to the fact that I also have a job interview tomorrow and am quite nervous about that too. I wouldn’t have been a year ago. The Michelle you would have met a year ago would have been bossy, cocky and perhaps a little too confident in her ability to achieve things. I had never lost something that I put all of my effort into. I had the boy, the voice, the hair, the job. I even had the grades. Something snapped. Something changed. I began to not be this “perfect” image I had in my head. I didn’t get into my number one choice for music schools. ( I got in academically, but musically no). I suffered through the annual solo and ensemble districts round. I didn’t do amazing AP exams like I thought I would. Perhaps, part of my downfall was I had always had things handed to me. I always succeeded. When I started to crack at the seems, this image of who I was, who I wanted to be did a 180. I realized slowly that I wanted to do something different than everyone expected me to. I find ultimately that I was being held back by this image I felt I needed to uphold. There are some things that we can’t change. I know that. But maybe there were things that needed to change. I wish I would have been more willing to let go of the little things my senior year. Just enjoy my last few months as a student in high school. you only get once change to experience your senior year. Then pop! You’re in a new place with a new beginning. Suddenly everything changes. You begin to realize who you really are and not just the surface things that you knew about yourself in high school. You understand what your parents were saying when they told you that after high school it does not matter what others think. You can set your own path, take things at your own pace. I just wish I had the wisdom of this back in high school. I wish I had known how much I would miss the family I made there and the boy I fell in love with . I can’t get him back. Or the last four years. I always wonder if I would have ever dated him if we met somewhere else. But I can’t let those thoughts get to me, right? So, here’s to the future. I’m sorry if this post seems totally discombobulated. Good night world, sleep tight.