As I wait for a friend to get online for a skype date, I begin once again to ponder life. I seem to be doing this frequently. As more things change, I become a different person in a way. More well rounded maybe? That was always the word that high school counselors used in an effort to get you to care about college applications. “If you do a little bit of each activity, you are considered well-rounded. But you don’t want to be too well-rounded…”
Does this apply to emotional life experiences as well? Is there a way to be ” too well-rounded”? When is enough… well enough? I ponder this question as I move on throughout my nightly routine. Brush teeth… check. hair… check. Fill up a water bottle… check. Blog… check. Eat a bunch of food while studying/surfing the web/watching Grey’s Anatomy… check. Now I’m at the point in time where I go over the little details of the last few months and try to sort out exactly what happened.Why he broke up with me. There are some things that just slip passed my mental layer that blocks out the things I don’t want to think about or remember over and over again… and I remember. It is hard to go over things like this every night before I go to sleep. I think that is why I stay up so late, is because staying awake is easier than the initial process of trying to fall asleep. (If you feel the same way.. like this post.) Granted the last week or so has been better. Exactly like people said it would be. It has gotten a little easier each week. I am waiting for the point in time when I won’t care anymore that it happened. When I won’t feel instant pain in my heart whenever I think of him holding some other girl. I know this sounds crazy but I love him still. Or at least.. I think I do.. Who knows. Who truly knows what is actually going on in my mind. Maybe I am just grieving over what we had that was lost. Is there ever a point when this goes away completely? I’ll know the answer some day. For now, I’m just stuck in this continuous cycle. I hope the future holds amazing things. This year has already proven to be good so far. New beginnings, right? That’s what college is about. Learning and living. Now that, my friends, is what life is about.