For the Love of Men.

I have to say that for someone who needs to study desperately for her final exams, I couldn’t focus without expressing my current emotions into words. I have been working 30 hour weeks at BCBG and that does not include my classes. I think that for a girl who has always been so motivated these last few weeks have been hard. As much as I try, I cannot seem to like the hospitality classes I have been taking. I feel like a failure at times because I am so lost when it comes to statistical methods 201. The fact that I am taking a hotel class when I don’t want anything to do with hotels is eating me alive right now. 

 In essence of where that could take me in my life, I find that it could be useful, except that it is incredibly boring. I am now being drawn more towards the English side to my bachelors and how that can intertwine with another degree. The burning question on the forefront of my mind is am I doing the right thing?

I went to see my high school’s fall musical a few weeks ago and once again fell madly in love with everything I gave up a year ago. Part of me wishes I could leave everything behind and go out to California to live my life writing and making people happy through my music. 

I can only consider completing music here at school for a minute before I am reminded that one of the darkest parts of my life seems to be revolving around that. For that reason alone, I stay away. 

Is it immature to stay away from something that seemed to take up so much of your life because of one person? A person who hurt you so badly that the mere coincidence that they show up somewhere sends you into a complete curveball of emotions that you can’t get out of and your heart pounds faster than you ever remember it doing? Or maybe it’s just a heart attack. If so, I’ve had many in the last year.

Can anyone explain how the human mind becomes so wrapped around the mere vision created and why it sticks with them, even if the cause of that dream is no longer there? It seems to be my problem. You know, they say that the one you think of last when falling asleep and waking up is the person you love. If that’s so then I don’t even want to think about my future with 9 cats. meow. 

I’ve given up on men for now. There is no point in waiting around anymore for people who turn out to not be what you thought they were. I guess my trouble is finding someone who is worth the time and willing to put as much of themselves in a relationship as I am. I met this guy, who I thought would be a great person, then it turned out all he wanted was copies of my stats exams. Throw me for a loop, why don’t ya?

I think I will stick with a celebrity crush on Liam Hemsworth. 


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