Finally, as I stare around my childhood bedroom with everything (mostly) unpacked from my first year at state, I find myself longing to repack it all and move back to MSU. I honestly miss everything about being away at school. They say these four years are some of the most exciting times and I have come to whole-heartedly agree with that. Already, even as I am catching my breath, I am two steps ahead of myself and starting to apply for study abroad trips. My next destination? Hopefully London. The program offered by my school would allow me to learn about the writers from London at that time and have weekends to go travel around Europe, but most specifically, back to my love: PARIS. I can smell the fresh rain as I step off the metro and begin to hear the noise of the streets. I hope to experience the same feelings and excitement I did in Paris, but with a London perspective. While this trip would not be for another year, would I be Michelle if I didn’t start my planning already? Of course not. I’ve already started my pinterest board, and imagining myself there going to a nice place for dinner and drinking tea in the morning while reading a novel. I can’t imagine visiting the homes of famous authors and even getting to see some of the inspiration for Jane Austen’s work. For now, however, I am off to my early shift at work.
Some days go by so quickly and others seem to drag on and on. As I watch the rain fall just outside my bedroom window, I ponder what in my mind ( or perhaps in society’s mind) constitutes a good day or a bad day. Now there are the obvious things that create the image of good or bad: death, illness, tragedy, But on a day like today where there is nothing necessarily “bad” in it, how can I say it is bad? I’m in a great place, with friends and family. I am loved by everyone around me and have access to food and water, along with a roof over my head, yet there are still days I consider “bad”. I don’t think today is bad because the rain is tapping against my window or the lunch I had at one of my school’s cafeterias was not tasty. It’s the overwhelming feeling of sadness that came to me this morning. An undeniable, persistent feeling that I was not good enough for the world today.
A phone call home to my mother later reveals that there is no reason or rationale behind my feelings and thoughts of being lonely. It just is. and that is what I try to remember as I write to you now. It is just a feeling that will go away and I have to remember all of my reasons for being content and happy with my life.
I think one of the things people often forget is how even though we may be one of the luckiest people in the world, we all get sad. So today, my friend, I encourage you to give a smile, a compliment, or a hug to someone you just happen to see walking down the street. Because in the end… it makes a world of difference.